Alaska Ear: Alaska Ear | adn.com
LAKE FRONT PROPERTY … Former legislator Mike Szymanski went through the ice on Big Lake Friday as he tried to drive to his off-road home there over ice not quite thick enough. Mike said he failed to follow the route suggested by a friend who had tested the thickness and noticed some overflow. “That’s never a good sign,” he said.
He got out OK, rescued by neighbors with snowmachines and sleds. His vehicle, however, remained partially submerged, waiting until the ice can hold a tow truck.
A QUESTION … Really, darlings, what have we done to deserve all the trashy publicity blowing our way? First it was the diapered stalker of our only astronaut; then She Who Was Governor; now it turns out Tiger Woods’ alleged No. 1 mistress (she denies it) is the daughter of Bob Uchitel.
For earwigs who just got off the plane, Bob was a charismatic prodigal son from a connected New York family who landed here in the 1970s and made a fortune in construction and cable during the pipeline era, then snorted up the profits. Bob flashed across the Alaska sky, a mover and shaker until he coked himself to death despite desperate efforts by friends and family to save him. Alaskans would have wished better for his daughter.
AND IN THIS CORNER …. The Resource Development Council has a special luncheon scheduled for Thursday. Rumor is rife that Marc Langland of Northrim Bank and UAA economist Scott Goldsmith will describe how our economy has tanked, followed by Ralph Samuels, who will reportedly announce he’s running for governor.
Of course, Ear knows nothing, but it could be a true fact. Ralph is a well-regarded former legislator, currently a vice president with Holland America.
IGNITION . . . Tempers are rising, charges are flying, letters are leaking, and the special House Resources Committee hearing to examine progress on an in-state gas line is still more than a week away. Word is Harry Noah, who resigned as the governor’s point man on the so-called Bullet Line — a plan to bring North Slope gas to Alaska cities — will reveal the real reason he quit Parnell. (The issues are way too complicated to unravel d’Ears.)
Ear, of course, is thrilled about the chance of a public catfight among the governor’s people: DNR Commish Tom Irwin and Deputy Commish Marty Rutherford, apparently backed by Parnell, vs. Noah, who is being championed by Rep. Jay Ramras.
And then there’s former Sen. Gene Therriault, godfather of Sarah’s AGIA, and now working for Parnell. Will he come out swinging? Will paramedics be standing by?
According to the official notice, testimony is by invitation only. And it’s probably just a coincidence the hearing is set for the day Parnell’s budget is due to be released, right?
NOTABLE … In the really good publicity category, Alaska author Stan Jones’ new book, “Village of the Ghost Bears,” the fourth in his Trooper Nathan Active series, is featured in next week’s People magazine. Also in this week’s Entertainment Weekly. Ca-ching. Ca-ching.
Since we’re plugging local books as possible Christmas gifts, Dana Stabenow’s 17th Kate Shugak novel, “A Night Too Dark,” is unfortunately not due out until February, but Dermot Cole’s beautiful “Historic Photos of Alaska,” published last year, has lots of cool old pictures from all over the state.
BIZARRO WORLD … Well, d’Ears, here’s a mind-boggling second chapter to last week’s item about some Alaskans on vacation running into Radio Mouth Eddie Burke at a restaurant in Washington state. Ear is simply going to list the factoids. You choose your own reality.
• Alaskans who know Eddie personally had a friendly chat with him about Alaska stuff at the Ajax Caf? on the Olympic Peninsula. Eddie was wearing some weird clown hat.
• Eddie says it wasn’t him. Says he hasn’t been Outside lately.
• Ear has been friendly with Eddie since he was just a regular mouth, not on the radio getting paid for it. Despite this, Ear believes him.
Ergo, the inescapable conclusion: There’s an Eddie clone out there somewhere. This thought frightens even Eddie. To quote him: “Lord help us. Hahaha.”
Clone Eddie won’t let Ear or Real Eddie run his photo — assuming Clone Eddie is real and the photo is of him. However, Ear bets Real Eddie has a printout, so when you run into him — calling people names at an Assembly meeting for instance — ask him to show it to you. Decide for yourself: Eddie? Not Eddie?
(Ear thinks Real Eddie is better looking than Clone Eddie but Ear doesn’t get out much.)
OUT AND ABOUT … Earwigs hoping to spot old timers should probably buy a place in Palm Springs. Familiar names are more likely to be seen dining in Rancho Mirage and other tony spas than braving winter in Southcentral Alaska. Spotted by a variety of earwigs over the long holiday weekend:
• Gambling furrier (furry gambler?) Perry Green, seen dining with a suit or two at Bing Crosby’s, a very expensive restaurant, at the table next to Bill and Melinda Gates.
• At various other spots in the desert sun: Former Valley Sen. Jay Kerttula and wife Joyce; Jim Palin (Todd’s dad); Lesil McGuire. Closer to home, earwigs clocked Gov. and Ms. Parnell, having lunch with staffers Friday at the Glacier Brewhouse in Anchorage.
ON THE MOVE … Looks like the Juneau Empire has laid off long-time and well-connected photographer Brian Wallace. He’s the son of the late Amos Wallace, a noted Southeast artist. And Ear hears another familiar byline from the Capital City is headed out of journalism to a job with Fish & Game.
FLYING FACTOID . . . A guy arrested in Unalaska for assault-by-biting said he was a vampire, according to police. The report on “Alaska News Nightly” said he later took it back. Police said alcohol may have been involved.
OH OH … Here we are at the end of the column and no Sarah item. Can’t happen. Might even be against the law.
E-mail yields two possibilities this week: The L.A. Times online sports site says Sarah misattributed a quote in her book to famed UCLA basketball coach John Wooden instead of Native American activist Wooden Leg, a much quoted Cheyenne who fought against Custer. (See link at adn.com.) Ear can’t get too righteous about this considering the Divine Appendage once attributed the quote “It ain’t over ’til it’s over” to Yogi Bear.
Ear may have to settle for a set of rules allegedly posted before one of Sarah’s Outside book signings. The earwig who sent it says he got it off a blog so who knows if it’s real. It feels real. Check the link at adn.com and decide for yourself.
Compiled by Sheila Toomey. Find Ear online at adn.com/ear. Leave a message for Ear at ear@adn.com or 257-4341
